are you still at the devil's house?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Just pee around me
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
