i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
