I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
