After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
