I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
