I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
The best revenge is premature balding
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
