i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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