Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
