She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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