There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
