i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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