I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
