i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
