mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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