alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
