I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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