at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
