I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
