if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
