Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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