Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I deserve this hangover.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
