It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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