There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
