so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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