The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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