my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
