i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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