I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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