we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
