Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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