Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
