also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
