you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
