Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
