so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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