you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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