After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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