You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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