dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
