Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
