She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
