then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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