I want to have your abortion
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
