That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
