I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
