Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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