shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
