I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
