You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
