So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
