Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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