I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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