she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
